Midnight and Morn
by Tears of the Snow Princess
Summary: After Anna finds the courage to admit her romantic feelings toward her sister, Elsa realizes she shares these feelings. The two attempt to deal with their feelings, whilst simultaneously maintaining secrecy. Cold memories resurface and Elsa returns to her old safeguard of "conceal, don't feel", shutting Anna and the rest of the world out. Rated M for later chapters/incest.


The sky breathed. In, and then out. Elsa let out a long sigh that bubbled into dragonsmoke and rose toward the stars. The aurora flickered and looped, a vein of bright tourmaline, lapis lazuli, amethyst in the velveteen sky. A streak of hot vermilion licked along the bottom of the lights, the sky catching alight with pale fire. Icicles formed in her lungs and hung there, tinkling darkly amongst her ribs with every breeze, every swaying tremble of the aurora, every distant snow-coloured twinkle of the stars.

"Anna," the word was hot water poured on fresh snow in her mouth, and it too rose in a cloud of steam. Anna, hearing her name, paused and turned to look at her sister quizzically, hair a bright fiery kiss against the dark. Elsa tried to bring her words to the surface, but they crawled back down her throat, shuddering at the cold.

"S'up?" Anna hollered, piercing the silence that had fallen across the land like a thick covering of snow. Elsa just smiled and raised her arms to the sky.

"Look at this! You're missing this to poke around in a pond?" she demanded, flurries of snow flying from her fingertips and drifting off on the breeze to settle on her sister's face, moonfreckles.  
"Kristoff said that there's a giant carp in this pond who grants wishes," she said stubbornly, though she did raise her eyes to the sky and smile as the green glow kissed her cheeks. "I just wanna see it. I've never seen a giant carp."

"Well I'm certainly doubtful of that claim, but who knows if there's a giant carp. Is it worth missing the loveliest light show we've had in a while?" Elsa replied, quirking her brow as she stepped forward onto the ice. A flicker of silvery movement caught her eye and she almost slipped. Beneath the smoky pall of ice, there was Anna's giant carp, just sitting there, opening and closing it's mouth stupidly. Well. Giant was a stretch, but it was certainly a bit bigger than one's average carp.

"Anna look," she murmured, pointing down at the silhouette at her feet. Anna skidded over, eyes bright. She immediately dropped to her knees and pressed her gloved hands to the ice.

"Are you gonna make a wish?" Elsa asked, only half mocking. Anna nodded, eyes squeezed closed, evidently in the process of wishing very hard indeed. After a few moments, Anna got to her feet and brushed herself off, nodding brightly to indicate that they could return to the castle. Elsa smiled and they trekked back to where they'd tied the horses.

As they trotted back through the snow, Elsa watched Anna's face, wondering what on Earth her sister might've wished for. Anna had been behaving oddly ever since Kristoff told her about this mystical wish-granting fish, and Elsa did not like it. They did not speak, but Elsa did not miss the anxious glances Anna shot at her from beneath her fur-lined hood. The strange looks, the secrecy, it had become a theme since Anna had sacrificed herself to save her sister. It had changed things. Elsa's world had shifted from a cruel prison, a crystal fortress, to a strange, warm _home__, _though Anna hadn't changed. She was as keen to be close to her as ever, content to try and forge new memories to fill the cold empty space left by Elsa's years of solitude. The evenings were full of eating chocolate and trying to make their way through all of the books in the enormous castle library, talking only intermittently. At night, Anna almost always slipped into bed beside her sister and slept there. Elsa didn't mind. She appreciated the warmth.

She studied Anna's face, finding her heart fill with a peculiar, rushing pride as she noticed the changes in her younger sister's appearance. She had grown beautiful with delicate facial features and a determined jaw, impudent nose and laughing eyes. She was everything their parents would have wanted. An unwanted thought of what it might feel like to kiss Anna's rosy, smiling mouth wandered into her mind, reddening her cheeks. She looked away, her reins stiffening with frost as she sent her horse into a canter. Anna, assuming they were having a race promptly bolted forward and swept past, kicking flurries of snow up into Elsa's face. Elsa laughed, sitting back in the saddle and letting Anna gallop on ahead. As she gazed at her sister's retreating back, her face darkened with worry and curiosity, the moment of carefree laughter melting to a bitter quiet in her mouth.

What had Anna wished for?

* * *

Frost flowered on the windows as Elsa lay in bed, gazing out at the sky. The aurora had grown even fiercer and was shot all through with pink and icy blue. Soon dawn would come and extinguish the skyfire. The familiar click of somebody opening her bedroom door drew her out of her reverie, and although she didn't look round, she smiled as she felt the weight of the intruder slide into bed and wrap a skinny arm around her waist. Anna brought with her the smell of chocolate, outdoors, and flowers. Elsa turned to embrace her, though recoiled with a shriek when she realized Anna's hair was wet.

"Gross! You're getting my pillows soaked!" she loudly complained, sitting bolt upright and throwing the duvet over Anna. She couldn't see her, but she could practically feel her sister grinning from under the blanket.

"I had a bath," Anna said conversationally, pulling the duvet off and propping herself up on one of the pillows, which was already darkening with damp.

"I noticed," Elsa responded drily. "Any particular reason you decided to come convert my bed into a swimming pool?"

Anna flopped face down into the pillow in response.

"I couldn't sleep," she replied, muffled. "And your bed is way softer than mine."

"Anna, they're exactly the same," Elsa sighed, rubbing her temples, though she smiled in spite of herself and lay down, pulling Anna close. "I don't mind a midnight visitor. You know I never sleep anyway."

Anna pressed her cheek to her sister's chest, the warmth of the embrace drawing her closer.

"For an ice queen, you give really warm hugs," Anna informed Elsa sleepily from somewhere between her breasts. "And you're really soft. It's nice."

Elsa didn't reply, she just stroked Anna's hair and settled, watching as the sky began to darken with the departure of the Aurora's glow. Just as she had started to doze off, Anna spoke again.

"I hope my wish from the carp comes true," she said softly, sounding almost sad. "But at the same time I don't. I'm not sure."

"It's okay to not be sure," Elsa told her. "It just means you realize wishes have consequences."

"Yeah. I guess that's true," Anna replied thoughtfully, sitting up. "And you never really know how stuff's gonna turn out until it happens, right?"

"Right," agreed Elsa, wondering what this was leading up to. Anna wriggled out of her grip and sat up.

"So I guess you just have to... Go ahead and do stuff," Anna said, voice higher than usual.

"Are you oka-" Elsa began, though her sentence was cut off as Anna pulled her into a kiss. She barely had time to register what was going on before she realized she was reciprocating, her arms drawing Anna close against her. Her lips tingled as though she'd sipped poison, sending heat creeping through her veins. The taste of chocolate. The gentle, wanting kiss of her sister, her own quivering response. Frost crept across their skins, Anna shivering slightly as she drew back. Her eyelashes were white with frozen tears, her cheeks burning red with a combination of the cold and embarrassment. Elsa stared blankly at her sister, expression frozen into a mask of shock. Her breaths came thick and fast, distant thunder, a roiling ocean trapped in her chest.

"I'm sorry," she breathed, frantically getting out of bed and backing away from her sister, tears welling in her eyes. Anna had initiated the kiss, but for some reason Elsa felt a deep disgust for herself flourish in her chest. She shouldn't have kissed her back. She shouldn't have led her sister astray, shouldn't have let this happen, shouldn't have _ruined everything_. Her heart pounded maddeningly, desperate sobs threatening to crush every bone in her body with the sheer weight of her emotions. Hoar frost spread out around her at every step backward. Anna started to cry.

"I didn't mean to," she said, words vibrating in her chest. "I didn't mean to."

Her tears were hailstones. Elsa was torn between running away, and drawing her weeping sister close, kissing every one of her tears into tiny pearls of ice, stroking her hair and making everything alright again. She clutched at her chest, unsure of what to do, legs trembling. She opened her mouth to say something but only sobbed. _This is not happening. This is wrong. This feels all wrong._

"Elsa please," Anna whispered, reaching out to her as vicious spikes of ice began to crawl up the walls. "I love you."

"But you're not supposed to love me like that," Elsa choked, staggering backward against the window. "That's not how you're supposed to feel about your sister."

Her heart beat so fast she felt it was in danger of shattering into a thousand crystalline shards. The truth was, she was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince Anna, and part of her knew that. They had been closer than most sisters after their reunion. _I should've seen it coming. _She shouldn't have encouraged her. She shouldn't have waltzed with her in the ballroom, or given her extra riding lessons, or shared baths with her, or _kissed her. _She was like one of those awful queens in storybooks who marry their brothers and spawn thousands of twisted demon children. But at the same time, she wasn't. How could Anna be anything evil, or foul, or _wrong? _How could loving somebody impossible not to love be such a crime? How could it be that Anna had been given the cruellest curse of having her true love be born her sibling? Elsa wanted to reach out to Anna, to hold her close, to melt into her and hide amongst her bones until the rest of the world evaporated in a cloud of violet steam. But she also wanted to wrap herself in ice, shut Anna out, keep her away. _Shut out the temptation. Hide from her until she stops loving me. _The thoughts crawled across her flesh like spiders. _Hiding didn't work the first time, _she reminded herself. _And it's all very well to stop her from loving you. But can you keep yourself from loving her? _

She watched warily as Anna slowly got to her feet and approached slowly, arms raised in a gesture of submission. For one horrific moment, Elsa was terrified she was going to embrace her, and she knew her heart couldn't handle that.

"No," Elsa whispered weakly, sinking to the floor, a weak burst of snow falling from her fingertips as she tried to push Anna away. "Please stop."

"Elsa I love you," Anna croaked, kneeling beside her. "And I know you love me too, and I know I'm not supposed to- _We're _not supposed to, but I can't just go my whole life without saying. I can't, Elsa. I love you."

"I love you too," she replied wanly. "And I'm not... I'm not going to let this ruin us."

"Thank you," Anna said, wrapping her arms around Elsa, who did not resist. She paused for a few tense moments, but her heart did not explode. Instead, a hiccoughing wail erupted from her throat, and the ice crept further across the floor. Anna's arms were warm, and that made it worse. Struggling to regain some composure, Elsa sat upright in her sister's arms and met Anna's eyes.

"You know this can't ever happen," Elsa murmured, voice on the verge of breaking. "It was cruel to tell me. But I understand why you did it. But nothing can ever come of this. No trysts, no stolen kisses, no _romance. _I am your sister, the queen. I am not and can never be your lover no matter how much we want it. And you can't... You can't kiss me again."

She faltered on the last word, sniffling pathetically. The ice covering the room had begun to recede. Anna looked wounded.

"I understand," Anna replied hotly. "But I don't agree. You don't get it, it's not like we have to broadcast it or... _do anything. _I just... I just want you to love me back. I want to not be afraid. I want to hold your hand and sleep beside you and kiss you goodnight. You don't get it, I didn't tell you so you'd come to bed with me."

Elsa recoiled as though she'd been slapped in the face, though she could clearly see the hurt in her sister's eyes. She had deserved that one.

"But we could've done all of those things when we were sisters," Elsa replied, suddenly realizing what she'd just said. "I didn't mean it like tha-"

"What are we now?" Anna asked, uncharacteristically coldly, though her eyes were pleading. "We can still be sisters, I don't want to change that... I just... I don't want to be afraid of accidentally kissing you for a little too long. I don't want you to ship me off to some man I don't care about for political convenience when my true love is here. I don't want you to make a brute king and submit to him, lie with him, bear him children, for the sake of face when we both know you love _me._"

"I-" Elsa struggled to form a response, but couldn't craft one. She settled for a cold silence. "Anna, please don't make this difficult."

"I'm not. It's simpler than you seem to think. I just want you, me, _us, _to be happy. Happy together," she said, cupping Elsa's face in her hands. "And I'm going to kiss you again, because I don't know how else to make you understand."

Elsa did not protest. Her sister's mouth was warm against hers, an unfamiliar sensation. _My first kiss is my sister. Shall I write letters to the extended family and offer up my maidenhead to whoever wants it too? _Elsa's thoughts were acid, but for all she chastised herself, she leaned into the kiss. Anna's face was wet, or was it her own? Her lips tasted of tears and chocolate peppermints; Elsa was unsure of whose tears she tasted. Anna tasted like Winter. Without thinking, she looped her arms around Anna's neck and brought her body closer, her hands finding their way into Anna's hair. Her breathing became short and sharp as Anna's kisses found their way from her lips to her jaw, to the pale column of her throat. Elsa was disturbed by the maddening desperation Anna left behind when she drew back. She was full of aching sadness and want and love and hurt all at once and as fresh tears blossomed on her cheeks, Anna enveloped her into a tight embrace. Their chests pressed together, Elsa dreamt she could almost feel their hearts beating in comforting, sympathetic unison, anxious birds in bone cages. After what felt like an eternity, they broke apart.

"Come on, let's go get some sleep," Elsa said finally, getting to her feet and leading the shivering Anna to the bed. She brushed away her tears and slid seamlessly back into the roll of _big sister. _They clambered in under the blankets and embraced, drinking each other's warmth and weeping. Elsa felt strangely empty, cold down to the bone. Her tears were drying stiff on her face.

"Hey Anna," she said quietly after a while.

"Yeah?" Anna responded, looking up at her sister.

"What did you wish for?" Elsa asked, brushing a lock of hair out of her sister's face. Anna flushed hotly before replying in a strangled tone.

"Courage."

Elsa didn't say anything, but drew her closer, choking back burning sobs that clambered into her mouth and ignited her chest with anxious fire. Outside, the aurora flickered, then died.


End file.
